


Wavering Faith

by katydidmischief (cassiejamie)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Captivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiejamie/pseuds/katydidmischief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They come in pairs sometimes, to take Tony away, and those are the days that Steve dreads</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wavering Faith

They come in pairs sometimes, to take Tony away, and those are the days that Steve dreads: two mean they're expecting to carry Tony back. That he won't be mobile after.

Those are the days that Steve launches himself at the bars, attacks their captors, begs to be taken instead. They're smart enough to realize that this means Steve is close to breaking; they don't have a fucking clue what's going to come down on them when the rest of the team finds them. (He has to believe they're going to be found because he is. Close to breaking. Because they fucking found his weak spot and it's only a matter of time.)

And for all he tries, Tony never can keep the screams in nor hide the wounds that are left in the wake of his time out of the cell—they rip the noises from him with wire lashings, with dull blades on his belly, needles in his joints... they cut him expertly, so he bleeds and bleeds and bleeds but he never loses enough blood to fall unconscious or go into shock and when they throw him back into Steve's waiting arms, it is with mumbled apologies on his breath.

"It's okay," Steve murmurs back, cradling Tony as close as he can as they huddle under the blanket, "It's okay."

"Sorry. Should be better at this." Tony's shivering.

Steve tightens his grip and prays harder; he kisses Tony's temple because, fuck it all, it's not like it's a secret at this point, and he tells Tony, "Stop saying that," as he settles against the wall of their cell. It's too cold to stay down here for long, but picking Tony up to move him will just upset him and Steve's all about not upsetting Tony at the moment.

"'s true. Not my first... rodeo."

"I hate that you can say that."

For a while after that, Tony is silent, then he mutters, "Me too," and then, "Going to sleep now," and he's out before Steve can tell him no.

* * *

_The mansion is entirely too quiet and Steve wanders the halls on the hunt for his wayward lover, refusing to turn on lights so JARVIS is doing it for him, flicking them on and off until the AI admits Tony's location under duress. (Threatening a computer. This is what Steve's been reduced to.)_

_And really, he should have just gone to the workshop right off the bat, but hope springs eternal._

_There, Tony is bent over a bench with tools in hand. His eyelids are drooping; he should be asleep instead of tinkering. Stopping him, however, would be an exercise in futility and Steve slides into one of the chairs left around, watching Tony as he works on one project then zips over to another before running back to the first. His attention span's been fucked up for a while now and rather than working on one thing at a time, there's always three or four items in pieces around the room. (Right now, Steve can see three: some sort of upgrade for Natasha's favorite gun and for Coulson's, strings of various lengths braided and coiled and that has to be related to Clint, and then there's a bench with something Steve can't identify but must be an add-on for Tony's suit.)_

_"Did you eat today?" he asks quietly, after a while._

_Tony doesn't speak or acknowledge Steve in any way and that's an answer in of itself._

_"There's pizza in the fridge. I can heat it up."_

_Still no reply._

_Steve doesn't push further, and his heart breaks a little more._

* * *

They lose track of the days, so Steve can't say how long it takes before their captors decide to change tactics and begin torturing Tony directly in front of him.

He stays so silent it hurts them both. (He cries, sometimes, and Tony thinks then that Steve's screaming too, just not out loud.)

Somehow, they both manage to keep from spilling their secrets, but it takes everything they've got; Steve continues to pray to a God his faith wavers in, hoping and hoping that the team's delay is due to intel rather than the more likely bureaucratic bullshit. He whispers those prayers over Tony when they're back in their cell and he shouts them in the moments when the noise in his head is at its worst, telling him the honest truth: _They aren't coming for you._

* * *

_Tony's body is patchwork now. Scars from Afghanistan are covered over by the newly minted ones from the bastards in Moscow, and the even newer scars from the medical staff; white tissue and pink intersect and the first time, only a few weeks after Tony's released from Sickbay, he strips down to shower, he shudders at the sight in the mirror._

_He was handsome once._

_Steve tries to normalize things a little bit, coaxes Tony into bed with kisses and gentle touches, but when he reaches out to relieve Tony of his shirt, there's a cry and Tony flees. He doesn't let Steve do that again and their sex life evaporates entirely; Tony wears pajamas to bed and when he flails around at night, the horrors in his dreams ripping the screams from him, Steve can only rub a shoulder and wait them out._

_This is their life now and Steve tries to pretend that things are going to get better, but no matter how much he tries, Tony's never going to be the same._

_He can't make peace with this knowledge._

* * *

The team comes to rescue them, finally, and Natasha admits that it's been six months.

Clint admits that yeah, it was bureaucracy that'd held them up until they'd mutinied, kidnapped Coulson, and took off after them. He's not entirely sure what the consequences will be, but there've been proof of life videos all along and after the most recent one—the one where Tony'd cried and begged and vomited on himself when they'd run the wires across his chest—they'd refused to deal with it any longer.

Phil and Bruce dope Tony up on painkillers before they even leave the cell. "It'd be cruel," Bruce says, "not to give him some relief before we move him," and Steve nods as he's looked over with a critical eye.

"I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

Steve blinks down at the blood on his arm and when he looks away, shakes his head and tells both men, "It's not mine."

That's the extent of conversation until they've reached the nearest CIA-offered safehouse: it's a tight fit, but there's heat— _heat_ —and a bed to tuck Tony into; there's enough food to feed an army, and Steve swallows down an entire can of soup without heating it up. He eats half a loaf of bread and then realizes how long it's been since he had eyes on Tony and takes off, sliding into the bedroom, onto the bed.

He stays there while a SHIELD physician looks Tony over, administers more drugs, and when the doc tells Steve that he needs to be examined too, he grunts, "Later." For now, he's got Tony in his arms and some food in his belly and he's not moving for anything short of the apocalypse.

* * *

_In his nightmares, Tony sees himself standing across the room as Steve is cut open and he shouts apologies. He sees Steve standing in front of him with blood creeping out of wounds like maggots on dead flesh; he begs for forgiveness._

_This is what he sees and when he snaps awake at night, looks at Steve beside him, he gasps and drags his shattered resolve together posthaste. Yes, Steve's awake and there's a hand on Tony's hip, rubbing, and Steve tells him, "It's all right," just as Tony whispers, "Stop."_

_It hurts to lose that touch, but he can't take it—all he did, all he carries now, the marks on his skin... Steve still touches him... It's not right._

_"I should go."_

_Steve's heart clenches._

_This moment, he's known, was coming, but now that it's here, Steve's practiced speech goes out the window and he rolls over Tony, damn the consequences. He knows the desperation is showing and he shakes his head and pins Tony there with a look._

_"I should go," he says again._

_"Where, Tony? Where should you go?"_

_"Away."_

_Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Steve asks, "Why?"_

_Tony thinks of all the appropriate answers to that question: "Because I'm a liability to the team," or "Because I'm no use to anyone when I spend entire missions looking over my shoulder," and he settles on telling Steve, "Because this is fucked up."_

_That encompasses everything, he thinks, and Steve takes a second to process._

_"Yeah, it is, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you give up."_

_"Not giving up."_

_"Going back to Malibu and drinking until your liver implodes is giving up." Steve leans in, sets his forehead on Tony's, and says, "You're stuck with me, Tony. I'm not going anywhere and I know you hate that I've been so fucking overprotective. I just... need you safe."_

_Tony slides his fingers around Steve's wrists and when he attempts to flip Steve, he fails. As a consolation prize, Steve pushes his knee against Tony's dick and whispers, "You're allowed to be broken, Tony, and you're allowed to admit it."_

_There's a gulp and Tony hesitantly shoves himself against Steve. It's the first sexual contact they've had in close to a year. He clasps his hands around Steve's wrists again, but to ground himself this time and he blinks up at his lover. "There's a lot of damage," and Steve knows Tony means more than the scars that are finally beginning to fade and match the older ones._

_"I know," Steve replies, shifting them until Tony's legs are spread wide and Steve's pressed up perfectly, rutting against Tony lazily._

_"You don't have to stick around."_

_Steve doesn't dignify that with a response._

* * *

The last day, Steve breaks.

SHIELD bursts in seconds later.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/3266.html?thread=1325250#t1325250) as a fill for the following prompt:  
>  _So I saw Sherlock today and RDJ just hurts so pretty. Can I have some super villain torturing Tony in the most violent way possible? With lots of screaming and bleeding and visible injuries and bruises and the villain being delightfully evil and enjoying every second of it and making Steve watch._
> 
> _Of course they're saved and there's comforting all around, but Steve is just fixated on Tony's injuries and is very protective over him until every single one is healed and faded._


End file.
